A hilarious comedy
about the death of
freedom in America.
Original Production:
Urban Stages, New York,
May 2006
Cast: Amanda Sisk,
Corey Moosa, Ellie
Dvorkin, Kim Moscaritolo,
Trixze Smith, Noah
Diamond, Brian Louis
Hoffman
Musical Arrangements
and Piano: D.J. Thacker
Written and Directed by
Noah Diamond and
Amanda Sisk
Scenes: "The Wedding,"
"Intelligent Design," "Save
it for Later," "Pharmacist
for Life," "Deep Inside
Washington," "Roe v.
Wade," "Abortionland,"
"The Education of Mopsy
Jimenez- Tippington,"
"Santorum," "The
McPatton Thing," "The
Armor You Have,"
"Talking to the Pictures,"
"Culture of Life"
Songs: "Moral Value
Meal," "For the Love of
God," "The Creature,"
"Corporations Are People
Too," "God Bless the
G.O.P," "Moral Value Meal
Finale"
about the death of
freedom in America.
Original Production:
Urban Stages, New York,
May 2006
Cast: Amanda Sisk,
Corey Moosa, Ellie
Dvorkin, Kim Moscaritolo,
Trixze Smith, Noah
Diamond, Brian Louis
Hoffman
Musical Arrangements
and Piano: D.J. Thacker
Written and Directed by
Noah Diamond and
Amanda Sisk
Scenes: "The Wedding,"
"Intelligent Design," "Save
it for Later," "Pharmacist
for Life," "Deep Inside
Washington," "Roe v.
Wade," "Abortionland,"
"The Education of Mopsy
Jimenez- Tippington,"
"Santorum," "The
McPatton Thing," "The
Armor You Have,"
"Talking to the Pictures,"
"Culture of Life"
Songs: "Moral Value
Meal," "For the Love of
God," "The Creature,"
"Corporations Are People
Too," "God Bless the
G.O.P," "Moral Value Meal
Finale"
Moral Value Meal: Photo Gallery
Ellie Dvorkin and Corey Moosa as a young evangelical couple, looking for the right music to
keep them out of the mood.
PHYLLIS: But I can’t stand commercial radio stations.
TROY: I know what you mean. It seems like every popular song these days is about...sin.
PHYLLIS: If only there was romantic music virtuous people could enjoy!
keep them out of the mood.
PHYLLIS: But I can’t stand commercial radio stations.
TROY: I know what you mean. It seems like every popular song these days is about...sin.
PHYLLIS: If only there was romantic music virtuous people could enjoy!
Enter Noah Diamond and Amanda Sisk: "Well, look no further! Just send for our exclusive
CD of evangelical love songs -- a little thing we like to call For the Love of God." It features
such faith-based hits as "I Wanna Abstain With You," "Don’t Touch Me There," and "Married
in the Eyes of the Lord."
I wanna abstain with you
I look in your eyes and I gotta wait
I wanna abstain with you
It’s only our hundred and first date...
Don’t touch me there!
It’s for procreation, not pleasure
Don’t touch me there!
Don’t violate my sacred treasure...!
CD of evangelical love songs -- a little thing we like to call For the Love of God." It features
such faith-based hits as "I Wanna Abstain With You," "Don’t Touch Me There," and "Married
in the Eyes of the Lord."
I wanna abstain with you
I look in your eyes and I gotta wait
I wanna abstain with you
It’s only our hundred and first date...
Don’t touch me there!
It’s for procreation, not pleasure
Don’t touch me there!
Don’t violate my sacred treasure...!
Roe v. Wade: As two women (Ellie Dvorkin and Kim Moscaritolo) briefly review the erosion
of abortion rights since 1973, a third (Amanda Sisk) shows us what little is left.
of abortion rights since 1973, a third (Amanda Sisk) shows us what little is left.
Abortionland: Ellie Dvorkin and Amanda Sisk as the Abortionettes, Brian Louis Hoffman as
Mr. Abortion, Kim Moscaritolo and Trixze Smith as two women learning about "the
wonderful world of abortion." This sketch is a parody of the way the far right thinks the left
feels about this issue.
MEG: Wow, Patty, you look sensational! Is it collagen implants? A great new diet?
PATTY: No –- I just had an abortion! And I’ve never felt better!
Mr. Abortion, Kim Moscaritolo and Trixze Smith as two women learning about "the
wonderful world of abortion." This sketch is a parody of the way the far right thinks the left
feels about this issue.
MEG: Wow, Patty, you look sensational! Is it collagen implants? A great new diet?
PATTY: No –- I just had an abortion! And I’ve never felt better!
Pharmacist for Life: Corey Moosa as Dwindling Medicaid, Brian Louis Hoffman as "your
state senator, Senator Bob Senator," Trixze Smith as Polly, and Ellie Dvorkin as a
pharmacist who refuses to fill Polly's prescription for emergency contraception: "That
would be no different than stabbing a two-year-old in the heart with an ice pick."
state senator, Senator Bob Senator," Trixze Smith as Polly, and Ellie Dvorkin as a
pharmacist who refuses to fill Polly's prescription for emergency contraception: "That
would be no different than stabbing a two-year-old in the heart with an ice pick."
The Creature: Once again, the NERO FIDDLED cast does battle with the sinister creature
of evil.
It came out of the darkness
It came out of the night
I’ve never been so terrified before
It bites the heads off bunnies
It tried to eat my house
We’ve got to stop the creature
This is war
It lives in a cave
It lies in the mud
The only thing it knows
is that it must have blood
It laughs when you cry
It knows no shame
I don’t know what it is
but I know its name
is Cheney.
of evil.
It came out of the darkness
It came out of the night
I’ve never been so terrified before
It bites the heads off bunnies
It tried to eat my house
We’ve got to stop the creature
This is war
It lives in a cave
It lies in the mud
The only thing it knows
is that it must have blood
It laughs when you cry
It knows no shame
I don’t know what it is
but I know its name
is Cheney.
Corporations Are People Too. A soaring pop ballad about corporate personhood.
’Cause don’t you think
a corporation cries sometimes?
Needs to share, be held
Shareholders know it’s true
and stockbrokers all agree
That a commercial entity
must be free --
Corporations are people too.
’Cause don’t you think
a corporation cries sometimes?
Needs to share, be held
Shareholders know it’s true
and stockbrokers all agree
That a commercial entity
must be free --
Corporations are people too.
The Armor You Have: Noah Diamond as Donald Rumsfeld, Corey Moosa as General Peter
Pace.
RUMSFELD: General, let me tell you something – you could have all the armor in the world
on you, and still get blown up.
PACE: I hadn’t thought of that.
RUMSFELD: Look on the bright side. You could get shot while you’re putting your armor on.
PACE: I see.
RUMSFELD: Whereas if you weren’t so busy putting on all that armor, maybe you would’ve
seen the guy.
Pace.
RUMSFELD: General, let me tell you something – you could have all the armor in the world
on you, and still get blown up.
PACE: I hadn’t thought of that.
RUMSFELD: Look on the bright side. You could get shot while you’re putting your armor on.
PACE: I see.
RUMSFELD: Whereas if you weren’t so busy putting on all that armor, maybe you would’ve
seen the guy.
Kim Moscaritolo as the intrepid reporter Mopsy Jimenez-Tippington.
The McPatton Thing: Corey Moosa as Archie McPatton, right wing talk show host, with his
special guest, conservative columnist Amy Keeler (Amanda Sisk): "I think we should kill all
the Democrats. That was a joke."
McPATTON: Now let’s go to Ahmed in Brooklyn. Ahmed, you’re on my Thing. Hello. You’re
on the air.
AHMED: Hi, Archie, I –-
McPATTON: Shut up, Ahmed!
special guest, conservative columnist Amy Keeler (Amanda Sisk): "I think we should kill all
the Democrats. That was a joke."
McPATTON: Now let’s go to Ahmed in Brooklyn. Ahmed, you’re on my Thing. Hello. You’re
on the air.
AHMED: Hi, Archie, I –-
McPATTON: Shut up, Ahmed!
An aspiring Capitol Hill aide named Dwight (Brian Louis Hoffman) gets a horrifying lesson
in government from Senator Rick Santorum (Noah Diamond) and friends.
in government from Senator Rick Santorum (Noah Diamond) and friends.
Talking to the Pictures: Noah Diamond as Richard Nixon, Brian Louis Hoffman as George
W. Bush, and Corey Moosa as a presidential portrait of uncertain identity.
NIXON: I want you to remember one thing, George –- if the president does it, that means it
is not illegal.
BUSH: If the president does it, that means it is not illegal.
NIXON: But remember, it's bad if you get caught.
W. Bush, and Corey Moosa as a presidential portrait of uncertain identity.
NIXON: I want you to remember one thing, George –- if the president does it, that means it
is not illegal.
BUSH: If the president does it, that means it is not illegal.
NIXON: But remember, it's bad if you get caught.
Culture of Life: With Laura (Amanda Sisk) and Barney in tow, George W. Bush (Brian Louis
Hoffman) comes rushing back from a Crawford vacation to stop a grieving husband (Corey
Moosa) from removing his wife's feeding tube. His wife (in the wheelchair) is clearly in a
persistent vegetative state, but her mother (Ellie Dvorkin) refuses to say goodbye: "Look,
she's smiling at me!"
BUSH: She looks pretty good to me.
HUSBAND: You can’t be serious.
BUSH: No, she does. Excellent muscle tone.
Hoffman) comes rushing back from a Crawford vacation to stop a grieving husband (Corey
Moosa) from removing his wife's feeding tube. His wife (in the wheelchair) is clearly in a
persistent vegetative state, but her mother (Ellie Dvorkin) refuses to say goodbye: "Look,
she's smiling at me!"
BUSH: She looks pretty good to me.
HUSBAND: You can’t be serious.
BUSH: No, she does. Excellent muscle tone.
Finale.
God bless America, God bless the children
God bless the flag that flies, oh say can you see
God bless America, God bless our values
Bless Kenneth Lay and David Kay and Tom DeLay
God bless the G.O.P.
We love our tax cuts and we love our horses
We love the Indians for their generosity
We love our children and we love our handguns
No sodomites or men in tights or civil rights
God bless the G.O.P.
God bless America, God bless the children
God bless the flag that flies, oh say can you see
God bless America, God bless our values
Bless Kenneth Lay and David Kay and Tom DeLay
God bless the G.O.P.
We love our tax cuts and we love our horses
We love the Indians for their generosity
We love our children and we love our handguns
No sodomites or men in tights or civil rights
God bless the G.O.P.
Finale.
America’s speaking
The White House is leaking
Why are all the Democrats asleep at the wheel?
There’s no way to reach him
You’ve got to impeach him
Isn’t the economy a moral value
National security a moral value
Cleaner energy a moral value
Getting out of poverty a moral value
Dealing with catastrophe a moral value
Electoral integrity a moral value
Accountability a moral value
Right to privacy a moral value
What’s with all the bribery a moral value
How can you decide for me a moral value
Come on don’t you wanna see my moral value
Sit down and order me
A moral value meal!
America’s speaking
The White House is leaking
Why are all the Democrats asleep at the wheel?
There’s no way to reach him
You’ve got to impeach him
Isn’t the economy a moral value
National security a moral value
Cleaner energy a moral value
Getting out of poverty a moral value
Dealing with catastrophe a moral value
Electoral integrity a moral value
Accountability a moral value
Right to privacy a moral value
What’s with all the bribery a moral value
How can you decide for me a moral value
Come on don’t you wanna see my moral value
Sit down and order me
A moral value meal!
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